Surviving CDO

I can’t believe it’s been more than a month since I came here in Cagayan de Oro City, surviving, and breathing still. When I first came to know of my recommendation to be sent here, I am but anxious of the idea. I saw myself very uncomfortable and scared of being sent to new place, and not just to any place but in Mindanao. In the last seven months of my discernment journey, when I thought I have gone through all the challenges, I never thought that the ‘real challenge’ is yet to come. It is like after courageously choosing a path in a crossroad, you find yourself fronting another one. And it is never easy. It takes a lot of courage and trusting. And though you grapple and unsure of what’s ahead, there is a letting go, may pagsuko. It is a very humbling experience for me to just let go and let God’s will unfold in my life and embrace it, although it is not all the time clear; even though it goes not according to my hopes and plans. But looking into my own life, especially in the last seven months of exploring this vocation, I cannot but ask myself, how can I not love and trust this Someone who’s been with me and I know will always be with me every step of the way? And so, having this confidence in Him, I’m here in Cagayan de Oro, surviving, and breathing still. And today, as it is becoming clear to me that the challenges facing me here are very real, and so is God whom I know is faithfully with me and will be with me all the way. Hence, He continues to surprise me more and more each day.

When friends ask me how I am doing, I tell them that I am surprisingly ok—happy. I never really thought that I will be happy, considering that I am staying alone in a supposedly 8-person dormitory, living in a totally new place and environment, culture, language (not a single Visayan word in my vocabulary) and a totally new job that I never ever thought of doing: becoming a teacher. I think it is not being happy as it is, but I think it is more like graced filled. I feel blessed. I feel blessed because of the new things that I’m learning about my self and from my new experiences here. I feel blessed with new found friends and people that I am meeting. I feel blessed with friends who still make it a point to update me and constantly asking how I’m doing here. I feel blessed with an ever supportive family whose love and support is with me, even if I’m hundreds of islands away from home. Moreover, I’m drawing much consolation with my teaching and work with the young people. I feel so blessed to be given a chance to be part of their lives, to become their ‘big bro’, as some of them calls me. And because of these, I have more reason to get out of bed every morning, excited.  And at the end of the day, although tired after a long day’s work, the tiredness comes with a feeling of fulfillment. And so, I’m beginning to really figure out the difference between being alone and being lonely. And so here I am, moving on breathing, surviving still. The anxiety sure is still there but I’m very much hopeful of what the future holds. I guess I just need to take the steps, one at a time.

Before I went here, a good friend told me it that when the time comes that it seems like I can’t hold unto anything, all I need to do is to just let go, let It be; we can only be willing but in the end there is a letting be, a letting God. And so, here I am in CDO, letting it be, letting God take charge…hoping to stay in love to continue and breath still.

Picture above courtesy of my fellow teacher Kim. Taken during the KHS Faculty Retreat in El Salvador, Misamis Oriental.